21 April 2012

Birth Grandparents Grieve

I have one regret where it comes to my Dad, and I know I have to accept that this was his choice but my Dad never got to meet T. Not because he wasn't given the opportunity but because he chose not to.

My Dad didn't know about T until after she was placed. Which was may seem strange but I felt if he knew he would offer me another option which to be honest wasn't possible I was also afraid of him rejecting me (YES I know silly but its how I felt.)because I had messed up again.

I hurt him incredibly when I did this. I told my dad 3 months after I had placed T what had happened. He was amazing despite the untold hurt and worry I caused him he forgave me. And I will never forget this he turned around and looked me in the eye and told me he was proud of me for doing the right thing.

Now at that point I had what we know as a semi open adoption. and I showed him some pictures that I had of her. But he never really asked about T.

Then when I got the opportunity to meet her he was very supportive of me and said it was good. then last year I asked him if he would like to join us at one of our meetings and he said no. I didn't push it But i was upset with him how could he not want to know her????

However I realise that it was too hard for my Dad. He had lost her too. He couldn't deal with the emotions for him it was hard. so he did what I do all to often and that was avoid. He told me last year he didn't agree with open adoption but not in a bad way just that he couldn't deal with it. He saw how it effects me, and he felt that it just kept opening up old wounds that didn't need to be reopened. He however was amazingly supportive of me and me per suing the open adoption.

He did look at T's pictures and he was always amazed at how much of a family resemblance there was.
My Dad loved me, but he was also grieving her in his own way.