A Birthmom’s first year is hell.
We often don’t know how we survive that year. its full of reminders. I know I counted each month. I thought about her every festive event (Christmas, Easter, Mothers day and Fathers day.) My birthday I mourned for her and then her 1st birthday was for me horrible it didn’t matter how much I tried to be ready for that day I never was. I cried nearly every day I often wished I would just die.
A councilor told me I should celebrate her birthday as if she was with me. In theory this was great in reality it didn’t work. I bought cup cakes and made an event where me and the girls sang happy birthday to T. I blubbered my way through the happy birthday and with tears running down my face. And tried my best to look happy for the girls.
I miss T every day but I’m very glad that we are past that first year.
Ps I’m sorry this post is all over the place. Just a very emotional post for me.
We often don’t know how we survive that year. its full of reminders. I know I counted each month. I thought about her every festive event (Christmas, Easter, Mothers day and Fathers day.) My birthday I mourned for her and then her 1st birthday was for me horrible it didn’t matter how much I tried to be ready for that day I never was. I cried nearly every day I often wished I would just die.
A councilor told me I should celebrate her birthday as if she was with me. In theory this was great in reality it didn’t work. I bought cup cakes and made an event where me and the girls sang happy birthday to T. I blubbered my way through the happy birthday and with tears running down my face. And tried my best to look happy for the girls.
I miss T every day but I’m very glad that we are past that first year.
Ps I’m sorry this post is all over the place. Just a very emotional post for me.
