What makes me mad is this quote came directly from an Adoptee here.
Are there resources I can direct her to, items I can supply her with, can I offer her the support and encouragement she needs to be a good parent? If so, then pursuing adoption is not the right choice. Too many unnecessary adoptions happen as a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. Adoption, after all, is forever – while a current living situation, job situation, etc., is temporary and can be changed and improved. Most women who relinquish their children do so because they feel they have no other choice…but what if she does have another choice, and only needs the support and encouragement to make it?
Adoption is Final there is no going back but here in South Africa. We do not have the governments support. There are no homes for unmarried mothers to go to until they are back on their feet. For fudge sakes we don’t even have reliable public transport. (I won’t mention the state of our state health system either)At the end of the day its you and your family if you find yourself in a unplanned pregnancy.
We have social workers and they will advise birth parents of their options. They look at family to help. They look at costs They look realistically at the situation, no one is forced into adoption.
Now you get all the “Save the birthmom” as I like to call them with remarks such as the one above. Or your parents stole you as baby away from your real mother She is not your mother. (<—– A true comment made to a 5 year old adoptee because the person doesn't believe in adoption in her culture.)
The but why did you not just keep the baby you are ok now. see only a little time and you would have been fine. Adoptive parents are selfish and don't care about the birthmom or the adoptee because if they did they would have helped her keep the baby.
I have been personally called a slut and immoral, mentally unstable as well as my favourite from her father that I was selling my child on the black market and was a slave trader or a child trafficker for placing T. All because I placed my child because I put her needs above my own.
+Now I know that most of this is ignorance and adoption is a mine field ready to explode but seriously wake up people.
There are no fairy tales in adoption.
All the "Save the birthmoms" rode off in to the sunset when I needed help. Realistically our government is not equipped to cope with unplanned pregnancies nor will they ever be in this economy. I had friends who were able to assist me before I placed T NOT one of them offered. I don't blame them because if you are going to go the route of trying to save a birth mom from adoption it is not merely placing a money on a table once. It is about changing perceptions, it is about providing opportunity to the birth mom and father. It is about giving them a foundation which takes time and money and commitment. Babies are expensive, children even more expensive. Are you prepared to help pay for the next 20 years? Are you prepared to give of your free time to council the single moms or the financially strained parents year after year, never mind month after month.
Most families are not able to help and society feels that the government should help and government is saying well organizations should help and basically we as a society are pointing to everyone else and not wanting to get involved because at the end of the day it is going to cost us financially, emotionally and time.
So to all those Adoption is evil and you shouldn't do it because maybe its a short term problem people out there. I am waiting to see what you plan to do about this. Do you have the solution or a plan that you can guarantee will work and make sure my child is loved safe and sound with me??? No???
Then SHUT UP!!!
Again these are my thoughts and opinions
We have social workers and they will advise birth parents of their options. They look at family to help. They look at costs They look realistically at the situation, no one is forced into adoption.
Now you get all the “Save the birthmom” as I like to call them with remarks such as the one above. Or your parents stole you as baby away from your real mother She is not your mother. (<—– A true comment made to a 5 year old adoptee because the person doesn't believe in adoption in her culture.)
The but why did you not just keep the baby you are ok now. see only a little time and you would have been fine. Adoptive parents are selfish and don't care about the birthmom or the adoptee because if they did they would have helped her keep the baby.
I have been personally called a slut and immoral, mentally unstable as well as my favourite from her father that I was selling my child on the black market and was a slave trader or a child trafficker for placing T. All because I placed my child because I put her needs above my own.
+Now I know that most of this is ignorance and adoption is a mine field ready to explode but seriously wake up people.
There are no fairy tales in adoption.
All the "Save the birthmoms" rode off in to the sunset when I needed help. Realistically our government is not equipped to cope with unplanned pregnancies nor will they ever be in this economy. I had friends who were able to assist me before I placed T NOT one of them offered. I don't blame them because if you are going to go the route of trying to save a birth mom from adoption it is not merely placing a money on a table once. It is about changing perceptions, it is about providing opportunity to the birth mom and father. It is about giving them a foundation which takes time and money and commitment. Babies are expensive, children even more expensive. Are you prepared to help pay for the next 20 years? Are you prepared to give of your free time to council the single moms or the financially strained parents year after year, never mind month after month.
Most families are not able to help and society feels that the government should help and government is saying well organizations should help and basically we as a society are pointing to everyone else and not wanting to get involved because at the end of the day it is going to cost us financially, emotionally and time.
So to all those Adoption is evil and you shouldn't do it because maybe its a short term problem people out there. I am waiting to see what you plan to do about this. Do you have the solution or a plan that you can guarantee will work and make sure my child is loved safe and sound with me??? No???
Then SHUT UP!!!
Again these are my thoughts and opinions
Hi Tania,
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying all these beautiful things about (open) adoption.... because they are true... for us, as parents who waited and prayed for 10 years to be able to have a child, (where in our case it happened through adoption).. we are greatful for beautiful woman like you. i wish all birthmoms' was as positive as you are... you are amazing.
so from one mom to another... thank you for changing lives xx
Thank You Lynne
DeleteWhy are you so angry with that quote? Whoever said it is not judging birthmothers. If I were an expectant mother considering adoption, I would still want someone to be there helping me look at all options available.
ReplyDeleteAn example is this:
"Adoption is Final there is no going back but here in South Africa. We do not have the governments support. There are no homes for unmarried mothers to go to until they are back on their feet."
Just say there were homes for unmarried mothers in SA, wouldn't you want other expectant mothers to know about them or would you rather that information was kept from them? This is what has happened in the past western-world wide and even now in the US. There are women relinquishing because 1) they are not told of options and 2) they are told that they would be selfish to take advantage of said options. I do know of US birthmoms who have discovered later that options were available and they weren't told about them.
I feel really sad that the options are so limited in South Africa. To me that is a tragedy. I wish you had had more options available to you. To me, that is all the commenter of that comment is trying to say - i.e. help bmoms find more options. If adoption is still the best answer, then so be it, however, at least make sure an emom is making her decision knowing about everything that is available to her.
JJ Thank you for you comments.
DeleteI respect your opinion